Too Much a Burden
by Ivin Artemis Draconis
Summary: slash, cutting, suicide. harry is depressed after the one he loves is dead. he is haunted by memories one night. how will he free himself from these hauntings? one-shot story. please read and more importantly, review!


**disclaimer:** I own nothing related to Harry Potter. JKR may make money off of the adorable Harry Potter and the sexy Draco Malfoy, but I do not.

**warning:** **R** rated for: a depressing suicide and cutting, some foul language, and is very angsty. you don't like? well, I warned you so don't complain.

to all HOMOPHOBICS: this has **slash** in it. so don't complain

this story is one-shot. the idea came to my head, and I felt like writing it down. so people, you better read this and review...please!

**Too Much A Burden**

_This takes place in Harry's 7th year_

Harry sat in a chair near the crackling fireplace. The raven-haired man was hugging his knees as he stared into the flames, not really seeing them.

It had been a month. A month since he had defeated Voldemort. Everyone was throwing parties, especially the students at Hogwarts.

In fact, that's why Harry was all alone in the Gryffindor Common Room – everyone was at Hufflepuff's or Ravenclaw's most recent party.

Ron and Hermione were worried about Harry because they, along with everyone else, didn't understand why the Savior of the wizarding world wouldn't celebrate, and seemed to be an empty shell – Harry didn't talk to anyone, and seemed to have put a wall around himself. Nonetheless, his best friends' worry didn't stop them from celebrating.

The boy couldn't take it anymore. Silently, he abruptly stood up and walked out of the Common Room, not caring where his feet would take him.

_They don't understand,_ Harry thought, staring at the flickering flames,_ No one fucking knows what happened to me that night..._

**Flashback**

It was raining. Harry felt the rain plop on his head and run down his face. He felt really nauseas and dizzy, as he looked at the man standing in front of him.

Voldemort.

The Dark Lord had a malicious grin on his face, as he looked at the smaller boy. "Potter, you are a fool to actually believe you could defeat me," he spoke coldly. Harry was shaking, out of anger and fear. Amazingly though, he managed to speak without betraying his fear and nervousness.

"Pride goes before fall, Voldemort," the boy retorted in a strong and bitter voice. Voldemort smirked.

"Then let us duel, Potter," he replied.

The two wizards dueled, both using the Killing Curse many a time. Harry fought, dodging each curse, and then firing his own. The Dark Lord did the same, and this duel must have lasted at least an hour.

Suddenly, a rock next to Harry that was hit with the curse exploded, sending him flying to the ground. He tried to get up, but his arms and legs were too weak.

"Well, well. Looks like the Savior's end has finally arrived," Voldemort drawled, "But don't feel too bad. You'll be joining all your loved ones," he continued.

Harry closed his eyes and felt his stomach lurch. _It's over,_ he thought,

"Your parents."

_He is going to kill me. I won't be able to survive._

"Mrs. Weasley."

_There is no way out._

"Sirius Black and Remus Lupin."

_Death, take me away swiftly._

"...Young Draco Malfoy."

The raven haired man's eyes snapped wide open. "W-What?" he croaked, feeling his energy slowly returning.

Voldemort's smirk grew, and triumph flashed through his eyes. "Ahhhh, yes. Young Mr. Malfoy. You should know I do not treat traitors kindly," he spoke, amused.

Anger surged through Harry. Draco Malfoy had become a spy for the Lightside in their 6th year. Harry and Draco had also become friends, and eventually something more.

"No...you...you're lying!" the boy shouted standing up shakily.

"No, I am not, young Harry," Voldemort spoke, feigning a sigh, "In fact, he probably is still lying dead in his mansion as we speak."

Harry began to shake. _No, no, NO!_, he thought angrily. Voldemort just laughed a high, cold-pitched laugh.

"Believe it, Potter. And don't worry. You'll be joining your pureblood whore soon," the Dark Lord spat out, still laughing.

"NOOOOOO!" Harry shouted, "YOU LYING BASTARD!! FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL! _AVADA KEDAVRA!"_

**End of Flashback**

Shaking himself back into the present, Harry stared dumbly at the door he was standing in front of. Pushing his way inside, Harry felt a faint breeze wisp around him, as he noticed he was at the top of one of Hogwarts' many tall towers.

Tears flowing down his cheeks, the boy slumped to his knees against a wall.

"W-Why...?" he choked out between sobs. Shaking with misery, Harry pulled a small knife out from his pocket – it was silver, with an emerald snake entwined around it.

It had been a birthday present from Draco.

Rolling up his sleeves, the boy slowly stared at his scarred arm, blankly. Then, slowly and lazily, he drifted the blade across his wrist, watching the crimson liquid seep out.

Closing his eyes and cherishing the pain, the boy slowly drifted away into his thoughts again...

**Flashback**

Harry stood outside the gate of Malfoy Manor. After realizing he had murdered Voldemort, the boy had apparated away.

Slowly, Harry pushed open the large gate. He had to find out whether or not Voldemort lied.

Walking quietly up the path to lovely manor, the raven-haired man noticed it was oddly quiet.

He opened the door to the large house effortlessly, and strained his ears for any movement.

Silence screamed in his ears.

Trying to push all negative thoughts aside, Harry quickly and silently made his way to the blonde's room. Pausing outside the door, he knocked softly.

Silence mocked his anxiety.

Drawing a breath, he slowly pushed the heavy door open.

Crisp, white moonlight filled the room, landing on the bed.

Tears filled the boy's eyes.

Lying on the bed, was a blonde man, eyes shut. Harry ran over to his love's side.

"Wake up, Dray. Please," he begged, after he crawled next to the blonde boy, shaking him gently.

"Please, Dray! Wake the fuck up! This isn't funny!" Harry sobbed, tears streaming down his face as he pulled the dead boy into a sitting position and clung onto him tightly.

Realizing his efforts were fruitless, Harry buried his head into his dead love's chest, sobbing violently...

**End of Flashback**

Harry opened his eyes and stared blankly at the blood pouring down his arm and onto the floor.

Tears burned his emerald eyes as he stood up and walked over to the window.

Life was so unfair. Fate condemned him to be the Savior of the world. And as if that wasn't enough, Fate had taken the only man he loved – the only man he had ever cared for – away. Just like that.

"FUCK THE WORLD!" the boy cried in agony, slamming his fist into the wall as he sobbed.

Harry felt the tears drowning him. As he looked out the window, staring at the ground, the memory of when he and Draco had first kissed replayed in his mind.

**Flashback**

Harry was standing on the shore of the lake. It was a warm, breezy night, and the stars were as bright as they could be, shining happily down at the habitants of earth.

But he was unhappy. In fact, he was crying silently.

It was the anniversary of the death of his godfather, and it was almost the summer holidays.

A year ago, Sirius Black had fallen through the Veil.

A year ago, a young boy had lost the closest thing he had ever had to a father.

He didn't notice he had company until his blonde friend spoke softly.

"Harry, what's wrong? Please tell me." the voice pleaded.

Harry slowly turned to face Draco. "I...I am remembering when..._he_ died," he spoke in a whisper. The blonde pulled Harry into a hug, stroking the smaller boy's head.

"Who?" Draco asked simply in Harry's ear, causing the other boy to shiver and momentarily forget his grief.

"My godfather...S-Sirius B-Black," Harry choked out. Draco hugged the fragile boy even more, tears beginning to form in his silver eyes. It hurt him to see Harry like this.

"Shhhh...shhhh...it's ok, Harry, it's ok. Let your tears out," the blonde comforted. Harry obliged, and small sobs escaped his mouth.

They must have stood there for an hour as the raven-haired boy let out his misery. Finally, young Harry pulled away, and locked Draco's silver eyes with his own emerald ones.

"Thank you, Dray," he said softly, never breaking their gaze. The blonde pulled the smaller boy closer so they were only an inch apart.

"I'm always here for you, Harry. Always. You have no idea how much I care about you," the blonde whispered. Slowly, Harry leaned upward and caught the blonde's soft lips with his own.

At first, Draco was a little shocked, but he softly kissed back. He had always loved Harry, even in their younger years when they were enemies. He had only realized how much he loved the boy when he became his friend in the beginning of the year.

Harry felt his troubles melt away. Draco tasted like heaven, and he was all that mattered in the world. Finally, Harry pulled away and blushed.

"I-I'm sorry-"he began, but was silenced by Draco placing his finger over his lips.

"Don't be," he said softly, before leaning in for another kiss. Harry let a moan escape his throat as he and Draco battled with tongues. The blonde moved his fingers through Harry's unruly hair, trying to memorize its pattern.

As they kissed, the two boys pushed against one another, and held onto each other tightly. Finally, Draco broke the kiss.

"Harry...I love you," he said. Tears filled the raven-haired man's eyes, as a small smile broke out on his face.

"I love you too," he replied softly. The two boys stood there in an embrace until the early hours of the morning.

**End of Flashback **

Gallons of tears were streaming down his face. Through the window, he could see the very spot they stood when they first kissed.

"Draco," he whispered softly as he stared out the window, caressing the blade of the dagger softly. For a moment, he thought he saw the blonde's face, smiling up at him from the ground.

Harry made a choking noise in his throat when he realized it had been his imagination. The pain was too much. Cutting released him from some of the agony, but each day, his burden got worse and worse.

"I CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT! I can't fucking stand it," he cried out again into the silent night.

The next thing Harry knew, he was standing on the ledge of the window with his eyes closed.

"I can't take it anymore...The pain is killing me," he whispered, tears dripping from his face.

Harry didn't notice the door opening, or the startled cries of his best friends.

All he knew was that he leaned forward...and was falling.

The ground rushed upwards, and memories flashed before his eyes-

_xoxo He was sitting with Draco under a tree, snuggled against one another._

_xoxo Voldemort was laughing after he told Harry the news of the blondes death._

_xoxo Draco petted the unruly hair in worry, comforting the small sobbing boy who had had one of his nightmares about Voldemort._

Two devastated friends shouted for help as Harry fell-

_xoxo Harry held his dead love's body, sobbing uncontrollably as the moon smirked down upon him._

_xoxo Music was playing as the two boys in love danced slowly at the Yule Ball, trapped in the eyes of one another._

The air whistled as Harry gained speed-

_xoxo Harry was against the wall, panting as Draco leaned in for another kiss. "Don't ever forget about me," the silver-eyed boy pleaded. "How could I? You are my life," Harry replied before the two boys had another battle of tongues._

_xoxo "I love you" the men said to each other, as they lay under the covers of the Slytherin's bed in his manor, holding one another tightly._

_xoxo "I know it's not much, but it reminded me of you," the blonde said as Harry unwrapped his birthday present. The light reflected off the blade, making it seem to have a supernatural glow. The small boy smiled truly. "I love it," he whispered as he moved to kiss Draco._

A sad smile appeared on the raven-haired boy's face as he hit the ground.

_He was free. Free from the burden of life._

-----------

Sitting alone in my memories,

I remember how much you meant to me.

You were my love, my essence, my life,

And without you, I am nothing but a shell.

For you I would kill and die..

For you I would spend an eternity in Hell.

**The End**

a/n: well? I was crying as I wrote the ending (I am so pathetic x-x) I don't handle draco being dead very well...

the poem at the end was written by my dearest friend, in case you were wondering.

anyway, even though this was one-shot, please please please review! I want to know how this story was, so I can improve on my writing weaknesses. I will take criticism as long as it is serious and constructive.

I don't want complaints though (about the suicide, slash, or language) cause I warned you in the beginning!

so please please please review! I love getting feedback, and I would appreciate it very much!


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